this little life: Dear Matilda Mae

I remember the very first time I saw your face. Your very lovely Mummy had agreed to review my first ever product for Beebies. Your big brown eyes stood out in a photograph among a sea of colour.

It was just the very beginning for both of us really. You in your little life and me with Beebies. You were just 2 months old. A smiley, happy baby who without realising it, was helping me and Beebies to make our first mark on a community which has taken us from strength to strength.

I remember the day you passed so clearly. The 2nd February 2013 was a date I knew was going to be horrible. I just had to do all I could to distract myself from the events that had unfolded exactly a year before. I spent the day with my very best friend. Chatting, shopping, keeping busy, and the evening was spent quietly with Sean as we both, in our own ways, reflected on the year just passed.

I avoided social media that weekend. In fact I did not go online until the morning of Tuesday 5th February. A strange, completely out of the ordinary morning. I had arrived for work an hour early for no reason at all, with no keys to the office. I sat in a cafe, ordered toast and a hot chocolate and logged on to facebook to pass the time. I sat confused as my timeline filled with messages of condolence being sent to your Mum. Something had happened. Something truly terrible had once again happened And then I read it. And I cried. Cried & cried. Sobbed. 2/2 had struck again in an even more horrible way.

I cannot believe it has been almost a year. I am amazed by the utter strength your Mummy has shown every single day. Even though she is grieving, even though her heart is shattered into millions of pieces she still she has helped others so much. She has helped me so much. You would be so proud.

I once told her I think that she was sent to me. And I honestly do.

I am amazed by hows strong your family are. How kind and welcoming your older siblings are to everyone they meet. By the way a community has pulled together to build your not so little legacy and to ensure that you are never forgotten. You will never be forgotten.

Your name has been shouted to skies across the world. Bubbles and stars have a whole new meaning. Life's little problems have become so insignificant.

Because of you friendships have been made that will last forever.
Because of you money and awareness of this horrific unknown is being raised around the world.
Because of you people hug their children for longer, look at the world differently, make sure they capture every moment.

I speak on behalf of so many when I say thank you.

People have walked in wellies in your honour, jumped from planes, painted, drawn, lit candles and blown bubbles for you with love in their hearts. We will never stop. I promise.

For you Matilda Mae, there is so much love.

There is not a day when I don't think of you Matilda Mae. I wish with all of my heart that I could turn back time to February 1st 2013 so that you would still be here with your family who love you so so much.